Thankful Thursday – Say No to Drugs Edition
The first year of Aidan’s life was incredibly stressful. I desperately wanted answers, was scared that he would never get better, and was certain that I wasn’t the right mom for the job. After a while, I hit my groove. Aidan was slowly but surely getting better/stronger/healthier. Eventually, I gave up the panicked search for a diagnosis, though it’s something that’s still in the back of my mind. It took longer to believe that I was the right mom for this job, but I learned to love Aidan and embraced this new world he brought me into.
So I’ve had a good eight year run, not without stress or problems, but able to pace and brace myself for what would be thrown my way. Bring it!
This year jolted me out of the groove. The onset of Aidan’s seizures (or should I say my reluctant acceptance of that diagnosis) threw me back into panic mode. It was the first time I got scared again, and desperate for an answer, and angry as hell that something would dare threaten my son. Shove it!
Which leaves me in a strange place of gratitude. I’m getting my groove back even though the circumstances are suckier this time. Aidan’s seizure meds are not helping and they make him incredibly tired and quite cranky. The doctor approved us just going off of them since Aidan’s seizures are not dangerous right now. Here’s the weird part; I’m very excited. I can’t wait to stop counting. Back in October when Aidan started meds, I felt like seizures were stealing his progress. Now I feel like the meds are stealing his personality. What I’ve learned in the past few months is that I’m apparently tougher than I thought. I’m more ready for the long haul in this battle. I still hate that he has seizures, and he has many every day. I hate them and I want them gone. However, since they are not hurting him, I don’t need them gone at the expense of his ability to live his life. I haven’t gone crazy and we are most definitely still under medical care and paying attention to any changes.
I’m not sure how this isn’t like admitting defeat – screw you meds; I’m giving this round to seizures. Really? Yes, really.
How about you? Are you thankful for anything seemingly strange this year?