Thankful Thursday – Medical Records Smack Down
Dear Medical Records,
Thank-you so much for guarding our medical records with such incredible stringency.
I realize I took the time, effort, and risk to put my child under anesthesia for some medical tests but in no way did that mean I actually wanted the ordering doctor to get the results of said tests. I know that seems logical, but we both know logic is silly. I’m glad you tucked those result away with the nuclear launch codes.
I’m especially glad that at the time of the procedure you didn’t tell me that you’d be hiding the records and not sending them to ANYONE, because, good grief, I cannot be trusted with that kind of information. I have no idea why the medical staff trusted me to sign 8 million other documents. I would have been jumpy for weeks wondering when someone would pop out of the bushes demanding to see my records, but instead I got to walk around in peace believing all the necessary people already had them.
I sure did get up really really early to drive very very far away to a doctor’s appointment to discuss scary scary medical procedures. Can you believe the doctor asked me for the results of the test?
I was all, “Who do you think you are?”
And he was all, “I’m the guy who’s gonna cut into your son and I need those results to know where to cut.”
And I was all, “Whatever, you’re never ever ever gonna get that info from me and I can neither confirm nor deny that Medical Records totally has my back.”
And he was all, “Could you please sign a release form so I could get them sent to me?”
And I was all, “Well, maybe just this once I could go pick them up for you but you’ll totally owe me big.”
That’s when I had my little phone call with you dear Medical Records, the one where you told me that while I was actually in the neighborhood, I could not pick up the records. Apparently you are hiding them deep in a safe bunker somewhere and they’ll take a few days and several levels of passwords to find. I really did have the time to call you four different times to make sure you’d give me the same unhelpful answer each time.
It’s thankful thursday and I’m so thankful you do your job with such conviction.
Now I’m off to do mine. You have no need to worry, really.