Today I will walk out, today everything evil will leave me.
I will have a cool breeze over me, I will travel with a light body.
I will be happy forever, nothing will hinder me.
I walk with beauty before me, I walk with beauty behind me.
I walk with beauty above me, I walk with beauty all around me.
My words and deeds will be beautiful.
These are the words to a traditional Navajo prayer that we’re singing in my concert this weekend. This concert comes on the heels of some ugly conversations I’ve had with Garreth regarding seizures. I asked him how he would put a positive spin on seizures. He replied, “I wouldn’t. There’s nothing positive to say about them.” But wait, I’m the glass half full girl and I can always find the good in the bad. I think Epilepsy may have bested me this time.
Hmmm…I could be thankful that there are medications to treat Aidan’s seizures….but sometimes they only work for awhile and can have yucky side effects. I can be thankful for the people I’ve met along the way….but I already considered them part of my tribe regardless of diagnosis and already have enough doctors in my life. I can certainly be thankful for the days when Aidan has under 15 seizure cuz that’s a good day….wait, that’s just sucky crazy. I can shift my thinking to other good things….but I have to count all of his seizures to keep good documentation as to what is working. See how this is an epic fail for me?
So on this thankful thursday I guess I’ll be thankful that the beauty that walks before me is authenticity and integrity. Garreth and I can be real in our pain and muster the strength to do whatever we can for our family. Right now it’s hard and sometimes ugly, but it’s a full and authentic life, so in that way I suppose it’s beautiful.