Summer into Fall
Today is my boys’ first day of school. I didn’t realize I wouldn’t write this summer. I suppose that’s in part because summer is for lazy days. We made it to the beach a few times and found a favorite lake to walk around.
But summer is for busy days too. I made it to England and then I survived staying home when Garreth made it to England. Liam ran a big race and met a big running star. Aidan went to the circus.
And somehow we all survived independent mobility.
This is no joke folks. Search and Destroy Boy has had too much time on his hands here. We go back and forth between being excited about his mobility – don’t mind the kitchenware on the floor folks – and going a little bonkers – did you really just drop and bust Daddy’s homegrown tomatoes?
But I think there’s another reason I didn’t write and I have yet to really figure it out. My circle is drawing tighter. When Aidan was younger, I wrote to figure out this life with him, to tell people there is joy here even when it looks awkward, to shape the world around me, to make room for my boy. I continued to write to say even when there is pain here, it’s ok because there is joy and pain everywhere. Telling the truth and hearing the “me too” and seeing others in this boat with me was so important.
I haven’t shut down because some secret thing is happening in my world or because it’s all getting too hard. But sometimes it is all getting too hard. So many issues that seemed far in the distance when Aidan was little are right here smack dab in front of me. Not to mention that raising Aidan isn’t my only challenge in life.
When I went to England this year I spoke to other parents about thriving – this idea that we can take a dip in the pity pool, call out our pain, make it a part of us, and move forward in a transformed way. The only way to do that is to engage with pain; don’t ignore it and don’t be defeated by it.
So I suppose that’s where I am right now, engaged with pain, and in a weird but very real way I know that’s where I need to be because, well, here it is.
And because sometimes life gives you the perfect metaphor, it’s autumn now, the season we New Englanders live for. It starts to cool down and the colors are amazing and we know that winter is coming but we enjoy this stunning beauty we depend on each year. It feels both like an end and a beginning, the sun giving up some time but promising to return.