Seven Snippets of an Order Muppet
Dahlia Lithwick is a super smart, funny, and fabulous woman (I knew her from her camp counselor days) who writes for Slate magazine…and she’s Canadian to boot. As a lawyer she mostly writes about, um, well, legal stuff. To feel smart talking about the Supreme Court at your next cocktail party, you should read anything she writes. But today, you really need to read this piece of Dahlia’s to get my week. I’m an Order Muppet through and through. (I love you Kermit!)
I just weeded my garden today, and by weeded I mean I pulled the trouble makers. The flowers that don’t stay in their ill-defined spaces get pulled and then left there as an example to the others. Those miscreants that bully the pretty flowers by trying to roam freely need to learn the rules. Now I’m questioning if I’m really an Order Muppet or just one of the Mean Girls.
If you’ve been following us on Facebook you’d know that there is an anonymous boy in my life who needs to give a urine sample for genetic testing. (ok, ok it’s Aidan but I really don’t like to talk about all body parts on my blog, usually just brains and muscles) As an Order Muppet, I’m thinking, “just pee in the cup kiddo.” As a child with significant motor and cognitive disabilities Aidan’s thinking, “I’m not doing nothin’ with your hand between my legs Mom.” So picture, if you will, a sandwich bag with a plastic seal on it. My eldest son, an Order Muppet, asks what happens if Aidan fills the bag. Hmmm…hadn’t thought of that. Well, it breaks and you lose your precious commodity. After several attempts, I get what I think I need and rush it to the lab only to find the lab closed. Of course I checked the hours online…I’m an Order Muppet. Clearly the lab is run by Chaos Muppets who don’t update their webpage. Really, this goes on and on and we have yet to catch what we need. I was told it was only 2 teaspoons. Doesn’t sound like much, right? Well, come on over then and help a girl out.
As an Order Muppet who knows her body well, I knew on tuesday that I had Strep throat. I woke up on the 4th of July and told my husband I was making a quick run to the Walk-In clinic to get some antibiotics. Seeing that I looked white as a ghost, Garreth decided to drive. Smart move. I was dizzy as ever. We walked into the clinic and I passed out in the waiting room. Someone must have handed me the daintiest of puke bags. Really? I’m a full body drama queen puker. Can anyone honestly get it together enough to aim that well, and does full body puking make me a Chaos Muppet? These are important things to ask, people. They admitted me to the ED. My eldest Order Muppet son was incredibly nervous about the entire episode while Aidan was giggling away and really just wanted to drive his wheelchiar around and visit other patients. Would that have been a HIPPA violation? Anyway, 3 hours, two IV liters full of fluid, and a antibiotic perscription later and we went home. I was pampered and all is well.
As an Order Muppet who enjoys the company of others, but also needs to keep Aidan safe, and a family minimally stressed, it takes a lot to plan a get together. We have to think about accessibility and Aidan’s seating arrangements if he’s to eat and who won’t be freaked out by his seizures. Fortunately, Garreth and I are both introverted homebodies so this isn’t hugely difficult. But sometimes, it is. Read this piece by Danielle, Trevor’s mom, who explains the challenge so beautifully.
My husband, who is a phenomenal human being even if he is a Chaos Muppet, saved a life this week. Garreth was at our local lighthouse taking pictures when he saw a guy waving frantically. Apparently, another guy had fallen face first into the rising tide and got his foot stuck in between some rocks. His face wasn’t under water yet but clearly he needed to get out. Garreth and the other guy somehow managed to get him out. Then Garreth, who in spite of being a Chaos Muppet has a very calming demeanor, asked him all sorts of questions to make sure he was medically safe (what’s today’s date, are you on any meds etc). The guy was totally fine and my husband is totally awesome. (except when he was in the ED with me he was kind of bossy because I’m a horrible patient)
We had our neuro and genetics appointments last week. Those appointments bring out both the Chaos (emotionally all over the place) and Order Muppet in me. I’m writing a post on each so stay tuned.
So, what kind of Muppet are you?
For more Seven Snippets, visit Bringing the Sunshine!