Every good team has a method of making decisions, right? I can’t say that Garreth and I ever sat down to hammer out how we make decisions, but we have a method, none the less. We’re actually a great team so we basically talk something out until we’re ready to move forward in the same direction. While I’m mostly responsible for Aidan’s medical and educational life, I talk through all the angles with Garreth. That being said, the only time I can ever remember us disagreeing about a decision has been in regards to Aidan’s g-tube. I’m not a ball buster, so my decision didn’t stand, but he’s not the boss of me, so his decision didn’t stand. We talked and talked and talked and didn’t move forward until we were ready to move forward together.
Somewhere in the story of Aidan’s first few months, you read about his g-tube. I’d link a post, but I think it was mentioned frequently, as in, he’s getting a g-tube, no he’s not healthy enough for surgery, yes he is, no he’s not, yes he is, no he’s not, finally, yes he is. After two years, I felt Aidan was ready to have his feeding tube taken out because he could eat well enough on his own. His doctor wanted it to stay in just incase he got sick and needed a boost of calories. He’s never had weight to spare so any sickness could potentially be a big struggle. His speech therapist wanted it to stay in just incase oral eating tuckered him out in the future. Garreth wanted it to stay in because he’s so dang cautious. I wanted it out. I saw victory for Aidan and wanted to push him to succeed (which is somehow different from being a Tiger Mother though I’m not sure how). Whatever befalls him, sickness, fatigue, developmental setback, I either refused to see it or decided we would cross that bridge when we got to it.
So we talked and talked and I pushed and pushed and Garreth feared and resisted. Finally, we made a deal. We would leave his g-tube in for six more months but not use it. We agreed that the only way we would use it is if he was hospitalized and they found it necessary.
Aidan didn’t get sick. He got stronger. He gained weight. This is not a story of me being right (even though I totally was). It’s a reminder to me that Garreth and I are committed to making the hard decisions, but making them together.
What about you? Do you have a success story of making a hard decision?